My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1996 - 1790: All of It

Who can truly hold onto the feelings that were never theirs to begin with?

Would her husband have turned out like this today? She should have lived a happy and peaceful life, but due to a random mistake she made, his life became so complicated. Everyone pays a price for their past choices, whether it’s big or small, and that ultimately impacts their life. No one expected everything to happen so fast, and she gave so much, only to be left with this outcome. In the end, all she could do was admit defeat here, repeatedly thinking of herself as a deity, yet why does she continually endure such pain and suffering? Life is so painful; why is what we want always out of reach?

"Actually, I understand even without you telling me. Since it was my appearance that turned your life into a mess, originally you could have married a rich heiress, lived peacefully, and shared joyous moments with your father and son. But due to my interference, your life became like this, and you lost an opportunity to spread your wings. You are so talented, yet you gave up everything for me. You abandoned your family and kinship, becoming estranged from them. All of this stems back to me alone. How could my heart not be aware of it? It’s not that I don’t speak out on many things, but rather I don’t know how to express them. I simply chose silence and kept everything within my heart. You may not know how much this means to me.

I’ve already given my heart to him in this lifetime; I can’t give half of my heart to you. I can’t manage to hold two men in my heart. No matter how many mistakes I’ve made, my heart’s always loved her. Even though she’s indifferent to me, there’s never a way to forget him within me. He abandoned the world and also abandoned me, yet I feel he remains in my heart. For him, I would still risk everything, neglect everything. Perhaps lying too much makes anyone reckless for themselves. All of this—it’s my sole mistake causing her the same pain. I feel so selfish. Because of my intrusion, your life turned out this way, I’m truly sorry. I can only sincerely apologize here, hoping you’ll forgive me, though you perhaps have no way in this lifetime to forgive me. This is a grave insult to you. How could you easily forgive me?

I hope that regardless of what stage we reach and the outcome we’ll face, please don’t involve our child in the conflicts between us. He’s innocent. These years, we’ve owed him so much. As parents, we’ve never accomplished any bit of responsibility; as children, we’ve never fulfilled filial duties to our parents. We are utterly unqualified as parents, utterly unqualified as children. How can we think of letting them bear this for us? Everyone’s heart is selfish, that’s genuinely living; it’s essential. Why should we let our child endure pain with us due to these matters?"

"Mm, you’re overthinking. No matter what, he’s my lifeline; I won’t drive him out of the house. You should bear the consequences of what you’ve done wrong. Why would I involve my own child? Why should I let our child bear the brunt of our unpleasantness? One should learn to grow up. We’ve owed him too much before; this is our way to repay a debt of gratitude today. To me, my son experiences what no one else does. He’s gone through rigorous trials again and again, desiring nothing but his parents to return to him, yet he could never imagine that when his parents did return, his mother disclosed a shocking secret: the man his mother has always loved isn’t his biological father, but another man!

It’s uncertain what impact this outcome will have on him, yet I trust he can understand you. He’s felt the pain of unrequited love. Among worldly sufferings, departing from love is the deepest pain!

No matter what you say, I choose to forgive you. I can feel how much you love her; you’re willing to forsake your life for her. This love is something I’ll never attain in your heart. I truly envy her, and also slightly resent him. Why does he hold my wife’s heart while she never truly loves me? My demands aren’t much, merely the sincerest protection from my wife. Yet my wife’s heart doesn’t contain me. Perhaps this is the greatest defeat of my life. My wife is physically here, yet her heart belongs to someone else. That kind of injury only I comprehend. Despite family interests or anything else, I won’t choose to divorce, as it would only worsen our relationship and make us a laughingstock in the neighborhood!

I’ve made this decision for the sake of my father’s face; he’s such a prideful man. Yet for our family, he’s discarded his pride, never considering what dignity remains. But he might never imagine that as his son, I’ve sacrificed greatly for his pride this time. Maybe my father thinks this son has some worth and keeps him in the heart, but who knows the intense longing I’ve held for her over the years, never forgetting my father waiting at home while I continually abandoned him for my wife and chose not to return. Does anyone know what result I’ve gained by doing this?"

Loving someone—how exhausting and painful. Only one’s self can know, and it won’t easily surface!