novelnext The Mental Jigsaw (and a Midnight Hangover)
The Mental Jigsaw (and a Midnight Hangover)
"......"From the epicenter of the forest, staring at the starry sky and suffering from a massive hangover... With you all... I'M BACK!!
"HELLO EVERYONE!!"
Wow, I felt like a long time had passed since I said those words! (Seriously).
<"Was it necessary to scream... especially considering the current situation...?">
However, ruining the mood, Echidna's exasperated question resonated deeply within my state of excitement and joy after consuming gallons of milk to calm myself down upon... well... you know... being in the middle of what looks like an end-of-the-world explosion where the damn sky is nocturnal despite seeing the sun in the distance?!
"YES, IT WAS NECESSARY TO SCREAM!!"
So, indeed... I had to let out this intense emotion I had inside...
<"Of course.">
To which, in response, Echidna replied without flinching in the slightest.
"Or rather, why are you so calm despite all this?!"
But anyway, you’re probably wondering: what is going on here?
<"Because it is in these kinds of situations where one must remain calm and analyze the situation.">
Nonetheless, despite my sudden outburst, Echidna reacted with her usual composure—even though she was one of the reasons we’re in this mess—and continued with her ruthless analysis.
"OK... fine.... Analyze..."
Fine, let me admit this since we’re among old friends... I... I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
(Clink! — Tap, tap!)
However, at that moment, feeling a comforting metallic pressure on my back, I noticed Silver, who had approached to try and console me the only way she knew how.
("It’s okay... It’s okay...")
... I’ll say it right now but... isn't my baby just adorable?! (Daughter complex).
"Thank you, Silver... really."
So, with no other choice, I patted her cold, polished helm, feeling my breathing finally stabilize.
("Welcome back, Mom!")
To which she nodded happily, once again casually ignoring my biological gender... Though, considering how I look in mirrors right now... No, I can't give up yet... At this point, once I get back home, I’ll use doping if I have to!
"Hmph!"
And with that decision in my heart, after a moment of moral support, I decided to set aside the pity and confusion that still plagued me to do what any self-respecting novel protagonist would do after a long absence: a systematic mental review so as not to die in the next five minutes.
"Alright, brain, let's try to piece this puzzle together... even if half the pieces are missing and the box is on fire!"
Alright, let’s take a walk down memory lane. This whole mess started in the most cliché way possible: I got sick. Yeah, a simple illness, and then, bam!, I wake up in what looks like a post-apocalyptic world where everything has gone to hell.
How did all that happen?
... Frankly, I have no clue... But at this point... I’ve got enough on my plate with the current situation, so there's no harm in not digging into those minor details.
Anyway, moving on, from what I could see back then, I assumed it was some kind of zombie plague. Especially after that encounter with the little zombie girl (adorable) who... well... sucked my finger (in a decent way).
"MOMMY, MOMMY!!"
Though, strangely enough, it was thanks to that that I ended up healing... I still don’t know how that logic works, but honestly, coherence is nowhere to be found... most of the time...
(FWOOOOSH!!)
However, just as I was getting into the flow of my memories, a small flurry of petals and high-pitched screams interrupted my internal narration!
"MOMMY~!!"
... Fine, I can’t ignore her anymore... Flora, the little flower fairy, appeared out of nowhere, jumping onto my head playfully and releasing a cloud of golden pollen in the process...
"ACHOO!!"
So, between sneezes, I managed to gently grab her to take her off my head.
"Watch it with the pollen, little one."
Right after that, I placed her on my lap, starting to stroke her softly as if she were a small cat.
"Mmm~"
She seemed to enjoy it, closing her eyes while I tried, for the umpteenth time, to pick up the thread of my introspection. So, continuing with my introspection, I remember my brilliant plan perfectly! (Improvisation).
The idea was simple: use the spell from my magical girl form of emotional resonance—a "reverse summoning"—to travel back to my world using a bond as an anchor.
What could go wrong? (Optimism).
... Well, everything. (Realism).
Due to the space-time lag between universes, I ended up falling right into the middle of something that, honestly, looked like it was taken from one of those NTR scenarios. Yeah, my luck is just that bad. I fell right on top of a guy who looked suspicious from every angle, getting myself into a fight the second I arrived.
"They didn't give me a single second of rest!"
However, just as I was about to dig deeper into that trauma...
(BOOOOOOM!! — ZAP!!)
Once again, my internal monologue was interrupted by the sound of an explosion.
"...."
I looked up and froze.
("¡¿?!")
There was Goldie, the little golden straw doll, heroically carrying a mountain of what looked like... female-shaped masturbators made of vibrant colors?
"You're doing great, Goldie..."
Faced with the scene, I just stared with a completely vacant look and a sweet smile.
("¡¡!!")
Where the hell did she get those?! And why are they here?!
"..."
I could only wave automatically, almost soullessly. To which she, shyly but with contagious joy, waved back.
(SLAP!)
Recovering my composure immediately, I slapped myself, forcing my senses back to continue my introspection!
"Alright, concentrate, Mireya! Ignore the mountain of vibrant-colored erotic toys!" (An attempt to escape reality).
Pretending none of that was happening, I remembered that after that brief clash between factions, the suspicious group—who likely had some kind of brainwashing, considering they were acting like nymphomaniacs in public—fled through some sort of magical teleportation.
"...Now that I think about it... it's a bit unfair that I can't use magic... Well... in the strictest sense of the word..."
They left me there, understanding absolutely nothing (as usual), next to an unconscious young man who looked like he’d taken the beating of a lifetime.
"However, fortunately for him, he was lucky that I am extremely kind and compassionate."
Though, just in case, I decided to immobilize him and give him basic first aid. My plan was simple: get information as soon as he woke up. However, right at that moment...
(SHHHH!!)
A woman approached me with a presence that radiated an almost palpable dignity. Her skin was dark—a beautiful ebony tone that contrasted with her short, deep purple hair, similar to the mist that forms at dawn.
"My lord..."
She wore the religious attire of a priestess, which failed to hide her toned figure and generous proportions, yet she carried it with impeccable grace.
"Please, accept this."
And with a level of respect that completely threw me off, she offered me a sandwich with sublime delicacy.
"....."
The sandwich looked appetizing, totally out of place within the crater and the surrounding chaos... Or rather... she seems very familiar to me... But that's impossible... right...?
"Uh... thanks..."
So, not wanting to overthink it, I accepted the sandwich with a smile and monumental confusion, desperately trying to ignore the fact that my life continued to turn into a buffet of surreal situations... Oh, right... it always was... Ahahaha.... Dammit...
"No, concentrate, me!!"
So, bravely forcing my will, I compelled my mind to stick with the introspection before losing the thread entirely!
"Concentrate, Mireya! You’re almost done putting this mental puzzle together!" (Maybe).
I remembered how, after that strange encounter, the young man finally woke up. He introduced himself as Shija Retsu, the heir to the Kyōgetsu style. The poor devil told me a tragic story: it turns out his master fell under the brainwashing of the group that had just fled. (I knew it!).
Apparently, the woman changed completely and left with them, leaving the boy in misery. So, the brave—or desperate—young man begged me to train him.
"Hmph. Of course, given my infinite knowledge and generosity, I accepted in the most dignified way possible." (Distorting memories of what actually happened).
With no other choice, I agreed to train him in exchange for him working as my personal guide in this world. After all, following all those events, the treacherous magic of my Magical Girl form became blocked for some strange reason, leaving me with no way to return home until it's fully restored.
"And that’s how Operation Tourism began!"
I decided that, since I was stuck, I was going to live the full Isekai experience to the max...
"..."
... So... the question arises again... how did we get to this?!
(SQUISH, SQUISH!!)
... However, fate doesn't seem to want to give me a single break.
"Uhm... Excuse me, but... what are you doing...?"
While I was trying to navigate the sea of my thoughts, I felt a warm and... excessively soft pressure on my back... and I’ve experienced this sensation enough times to know what it actually is... (Used to it).
"Aaaah, my lord is so incredible! His wisdom knows no bounds!"
That voice... that stupidly flattering voice.
"...."
It was another woman in a similar priestess outfit. She had the same hair color as the previous one, but hers was long, wavy, and fell over her porcelain-pale skin. But what stood out the most—besides her irritating tone of voice—were her attributes... which somehow managed to be even larger than the other woman's.
"Do I seriously feel like I know them...?"
No, don't think about that now; just close your eyes tight and dive deeper into introspection while she rubs those attributes against my back and massages me with her hands!
How does it feel...?
Well, actually, it's pretty good... Frankly, she has potential...
BUT WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW!!
Moving on, I remembered then how, after those initial events, I joined the adventurers' guild along with my young guide. We formed a party and lived through epic adventures... Well... more or less. In the process, I revolutionized the local gastronomy a bit—which was to be expected—and some other "unimportant" things happened that I prefer not to detail right now.
"Mmm, that's it...!"
Then I finally remembered it as I exhaled, dramatically snapping both eyes open!
"That was the moment!!"
That was the exact moment I noticed where everything changed.
"...That's right... All of this..."
Everything started going wrong during that mission in the forest, when a damn mist separated us and, out of nowhere, a plant-woman appeared with the clear intention of killing me.
"Absolutely everything started going wrong...!"
To win, I opted for double resonance, merging with Silver and Goldie at the same time to take on the form of the Knight of the Veil. I gave it my all—absolutely everything—to the point of total exhaustion...
"It's all her fault!!"
In the end, I won, but I ended up falling underground. There, in the depths, I ran into a group of vile bandits whom I had no choice but to face and defeat.
"He tried a kamikaze move at the end! Oh, no, wait... That wasn't where everything spiraled out of control... Or at least, not entirely..."
But while I was losing myself in my resentment against that plant-woman, I remembered how I rescued a poor "damsel" in distress from the bandits' hideout—someone who seemed to have suffered all kinds of defilement and, to top it off, was suffering from amnesia.
"...If I remember correctly, after getting her to safety..."
I reunited with Shija and we returned triumphantly to the guild. During that time, I looked after her, cooked for her, and helped her put herself back together until she became part of our party. Everything was going "fine"... until we were basically exiled from the town.
"..."
Supposedly, it was because of the "collateral damage" caused by the plant-woman during our fight... (Clearly, I had nothing to do with the destruction of the local infrastructure).
(FWOSH!! — ZAP!!)
And with that bitter memory, I felt the final piece of the mental puzzle snap perfectly into place!
"There can be only one truth!"
Immediately, as if my body were reacting by instinct to the revelation, I flexed my knees and leaned my torso back at an impossible angle, pointing a finger at the sky while covering part of my face with my other hand.
"There is only...!"
("... One")
("Truth!")
Beside me, Silver, Goldie, and Flora didn't fall behind. Silver adopted a rigid, heroic pose, Goldie crouched with elegance, and Flora simply jumped, crossing her legs in the air with exaggerated grace.
"Hmph. After that unjust exile, we set out on our journey... finally arriving at an inn..."
I extended my arm with a sharp movement, pointing toward the structure resting right beside us.
"—One just like that one."
That was when reality finally hit me. The attendants who managed that place were, undoubtedly, these same women who now—dressed as priestesses—wouldn't stop massaging me with such a... "devout" attitude.
"And it was there... after a relaxing thermal bath... where everything took an... unexpected turn."
I closed my eyes, remembering that moment of weakness where, because of them, I accidentally ended up ingesting the core of that plant-woman...
"...Their sudden change in attitude compared to our first encounter... There’s only one reason... It must be..."
That core, which led me to that... state... of pseudo-pregnancy.
"Guilt!!" (This person has fully committed to the role).
After a long and strange internal struggle that I’d rather erase from my memory...
"That’s how Flora was born!"
Thus I proclaimed, pointing at the little fairy, who winked back at me, while the priestesses' hands continued to roam across my back as if it were their most sacred treasure. (When did they even get there?).
(CLACK!! — ZAP!!)
At that instant, all the dots connected in my mind in the most tragic way possible!
"I get it now...! It all makes sense!"
I brought my palm to my face, hiding my eyes as a feeling of pity washed over me. Poor women... Surely, after that incident and our departure, they must have felt so devastated by grief and loss that, as a defense mechanism, they ended up adopting some kind of strange stigma or cult. This religious fervor... this exaggerated devotion... is nothing more than their way of compensating for the void we left behind.
"What a heavy burden I must carry... to be the spiritual pillar for these poor souls..."
However, while I was gloating in my own interpretation of the facts, a pang of doubt pierced my chest and I slowly lowered my hand, revealing my eyes which, in a split second, snapped wide open, shot through with pure shock.
"Wait... something vital is still missing."
The mental fog finished dissipating all at once. The puzzle wasn't completed by their faith... but by what happened afterward. The roar of power, the sensory overload, the sacrifice of my own stability...
"Ah, I remember now..." (Sanity restored).
...Right... I had released Melioris... What the hell was I thinking...?!
"NO, NO, NO!! THIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!!"
Question: What to do when panic takes control?
Answer: Stay calm.
Question: Do you think that’s even possible in this state?!
Answer: Good luck.
"Damned traitors!!"
When stress exceeds a person's processing capacity, the "Ego" activates unconscious defenses to reduce extreme anxiety, and among them, the displacement of guilt took control of this narration to reach a conclusion. (What the hell?!).
"THIS IS ALL MELIORIS'S FAULT!!"
Yes, that’s it! That damn inn shouldn’t be here! It’s impossible for it to have materialized in this place unless it has a life of its own or it's some kind of sick joke from the universe! And what the hell is up with those... objects... with such peculiar shapes that Goldie is carrying?! Why do they even exist in the first place?!
"...That’s right... It all adds up..."
My gaze, now erratic and loaded with pure shock, drifted to one side, landing on something that finished off what little remained of my sanity.
"¡¿?!"
There they were... two stone statues of unimaginable beauty, depicting two beautiful women with a level of detail that bordered on the sinful. However, they weren't normal statues; they were sculpted in... very, very compromising poses. A vulgar, perverted, and so explicit beauty that it made my cheeks burn with pure secondhand embarrassment... and this, coming from someone who should be used to it?!
"MELIORIS, DAMN YOU!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS PLACE?!!"
...And with nothing left to do... I could only raise my fists... screaming at the sky on my knees... Little did I know... that the worst was yet to come...